Why People Leave

On my previous page, I discussed how the Church and its culture treats people based on their race, gender, and sexuality. While some choose to leave based on the marginalization they feel or even just witness, there are many that choose to stay. Some do their best to make changes from within and others do not recognize or believe that changes need to be made. For some who choose to leave, they do not recognize the mistreatment of entire groups of people until they walk away. The true unpacking of their religion starts when they make the decision to never return. Perhaps it is connected to the hurt they feel when labeled as an "apostate" who is "deceived by Satan," as inactive Mormons who don't participate in the religion regularly and ex-Mormons are both treated as less-than implicitly and explicitly. In his Easter morning address for the Church's April 2021 Semiannual General Conference, Mormon prophet, Russell M. Nelson said:

This statement set off a firestorm of criticism and expressions of offense by ex-Mormons. Many of them had spent hours, days, and months studying - studying the scriptures, the Church's essays, and Church history. After all of that time studying, they came to the conclusion that they needed to separate from Mormonism. They did not struggle to "muster even a particle of faith" due to laziness. For many, it was that intense learning that shattered the faith they had been holding onto.

Russell M. Nelson's words regarding those who lose faith very closely aligns with the church's narrative around those who leave, including language used by members and leaders alike. Those who stop attending and/or stop believing are often accused of leaving because they were offended by someone, they wanted to "sin," they don't understand the doctrine, or they simply didn't practice Mormonism to the level that they "should have," meaning they did not attend church or the temple enough, did not read scriptures or pray enough, or perhaps failed to "magnify their calling." While these reasons certainly could be true for some, they are not the reasons for all who leave. In my study on the experiences of ex-Mormons, I wanted to find out why people choose to walk away. Some of those reasons can be found below.

Why did you stop believing in and/or practicing Mormonism?

In my survey, 108 participants responded to the open-ended question, "Why did you stop believing in and/or practicing Mormonism"? The word cloud above represents the various themes found in their answers, and it's clear that no respondent's answer was comprehensive. Mormons do not just leave over one policy, experience, or piece of doctrine. It is the building up of many issues that when all put together can push someone to walk away. Many ex-Mormons refer to this as their "shelf" - a place where they set things that bother them about the Church until the shelf becomes too heavy and breaks. The breaking of the shelf is the moment when the person realizes they can no longer continue believing and/or practicing their religion and they must move on. There are a lot of feelings and choices that develop following their shelf breaking, but this is the moment when their new journey begins. Not every ex-Mormon subscribes to the shelf analogy, as each person's exit from the Church is different, however. One interview participant expressed his own reservations with it this way:

As evidenced in the word cloud above, ex-Mormons have many different reasons for leaving. It is impossible to show a ranking of most important to least important because people's experiences are so individualized. There are some themes that can be gathered by analyzing these listed reasons. When I analyzed the data, I created a large coding scheme that drew topics out of respondents' answers. Some answers were only assigned one code while other answers were assigned up to seven codes. I then categorized the codes into different themes, which can be found below.

The Church cautions its members to stay away from "anti-Mormon literature." For years, they have pushed the narrative that there are people actively trying to bring the Church down and all Mormons should stay away from anyone or anything that criticizes the Church in any way. When one does leave the Church after discovering church issues found in such criticism, the Church presents their stories as tragedies because they had clearly been tempted and controlled by Satan. Keeping members away from criticisms of the Church is a lot more difficult now than it was in the in the beginnings of Mormonism up until more recently with the quick distribution of information via the internet. Because information is so widely and easily available now, the Church has become more transparent about some of its historical problems. Church-sponsored history books and their compilation of online gospel topic essays put some information out there, but with a slant that justifies wrongdoings rather than acknowledging and apologizing for them. These new materials also provide the opportunity for the Church to gaslight its members. When issues are brought up, they can quickly acknowledge them and claim they are transparent about the problems. This allows them to place the blame on members for not knowing or not studying enough. However, there are issues they have denied for years and subjects they have not taught until recently (The hiding of church history, 2018).

In my question: "Why did you stop believing in and/or practicing Mormonism"?, some respondents cited sources that led them out of the Church. Six people referenced the CES Letter and three referenced Letter for my Wife. Both letters were written by former members who compiled a list of all their questions about the Church's truth claims. Two respondents said they read the Church's own gospel topic essays, which led them down a rabbit hole and right out of the Church. One person said reading the Church's Come Follow Me manual, which is a lesson manual for families to use at church and at home, was the beginning of the end. The respondent said she and her husband learned about Joseph Smith's multiple versions of the First Vision. They then started reading the Church's essays and ultimately decided to leave. One person said the pandemic gave her the opportunity to dig into issues that concerned her, and that "Russell Nelson's April Conference talk about lazy learners and lax disciples... sent the shelf to the floor." So while there is evidence that outside sources do influence people to leave, there is also evidence that the Church's own efforts to address issues can have the same effect. Their problem is not anti-Mormon sources. Their problem is the truth.

Read more about my research: